Rating Agencies Wage Battles | Journal Exclusive
In what has proven to be the most inane of inane moves to engulf the financial sector, Moody's Rating Agency pulled numbers on rival credit rating firm Fitch, downgrading the company's portfolio a full two points. Fitch Rating Agency immediately retaliated by downgrading S&P's rating two points.
By mid-afternoon, the three agencies had literally hired out every available messenger, paralegal and girl Friday on call in Manhattan merely to run thousands of single page, signed affidavits to the 1st District Court of New York.
It was time we figured out what was really going on. We thought we should hit Wall Street and ask the people who really knew the answers.
We asked the first black guy we could find.
"It guess it could be the Apocalypse", ventures Ronnie, somewhat hesitantly.
"Actually, no, now that I think about it, I don't agree with you. Not at all. I think this is probably a really good thing".
Enough said. We moved on.
"Well, fuck 'em", relied another, and I just flat gave up.
I decided to ask a guy in a suit.
Why is he laughing at me?
UPDATE: S&P has signed a sworn affidavit from the Fourth Circuit Court of Manhattan, declaring it had rated itself and duly declared a AAA++ (full house) rating, establishing a category all in it's own, thereby negating all trumps from rival credit rating agencies across the board.
In a statement, S&P's press release simply read, "We win".
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