Michael Vick, convicted felon, dog fighting ringleader and semi-popular, mediocre NFL quarterback has made news once again.
After a season as backup quarterback for the Philadelphia Eagles in which starter Donovan McNabb carried the team to a divisional playoff, Vick was asked what the odds were of winning a championship, and if by chance they were to win, what proceeds he was expected to earn from sports bookies he was known to associate with through dog fighting rings.
"Who the fuck are you", he was quoted as asking, followed quickly by demanding,"And how in the fuck did a blogger get into the god damn locker room? Security"!
This was a response from someone who clearly had something to hide.
With credential in hand (a laptop) and hat with a piece of paper reading 'PRESS' tucked into the band, our online reporter sought other sources to confirm a new theory: How traditional dog fighting and betting has morphed into an acceptable, if not legal, arm or sports wagering.
Eddie Centers, former owner of Dog Eat Dog Kennels, was asked how the sport has transformed following the 2006 spotlight of dog fighting and subsequent conviction of Michael Vick. "I thought congress issued you a subpeona for blog misuse, slander and defamation", he retorted.
It seems our source had turned on us.
A New wave of sports betting, now under the new genre, "Puppy Petting", has emerged, much to the distaste of bookies and bloodlusters alike.
"I don't know what that sport has come to", Salias Guerrra, lead 'numbers' guy for D.D.D, Inc was quoted as saying, "But the numbers don't lie. People still wager. The spectator pool still grows, admissions are up".
He refers, of course, to the disgusting sport of Puppy Petting.
Dogs that Don't Die is the new and prime de-facto numbers agency who book wagers on how many vicious doberman, pit bull and ferocious datsuns any competitor can 'pet' on the head without getting a hand chewed off. Competitors range from former
convicted felons sentenced to community service to former football quarterback convicts that have served time in Federal butt-rape penitentiaries nationwide.
Michael was quoted as saying, "Yeah, I lost a digit to a particularly nasty chihuahua. They had to pump her stomach for my ring finger - put it on ice like real fast, ya know? Doc sewed it back on, but it still don't work right".
When asked to confirm details, Michael stated, "Man, do I look like I've ever thrown a football? I ain't tellin' you my last name is Vick just for your stupid blog".
Kandy, an Alaskan Husky purebred who went 9-1 in the 2009 PP Championship, lost in the final round when convicted pedophile Jack 'Fast Hands' Black, moved in for the final kill shot.
"I just reached in and touched her, real quick like", stated Black, who, for this interview, was behind glass for breaking his parole conditions for 'where' he pet the dog in the winning move.
Kandy, when asked if she considered the action an assault, was in no talking mood, mainly because dogs can't talk.
PPNURI, the Puppy Petting National Unified Regionals, International, released the following statement:
"As it stands, PPINURI will continue to support the Federal Bureau of Prisons by supplying fresh convict meat to mistreated and otherwise hungry vicious animals for sport and wagering".
Your Season is over, Mike. Come down and pet a puppy.
[published 2010 by Greg Brunty] [www.MySpace.com/gregbrunty]